What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 27.06.2025 01:33
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Why do I sweat so much after applying moisture or sun screen on my face? I have normal skin.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Who then, do I blame.?
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We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
So whats the point in blame.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
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And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I did it because my mum asked me too!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
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I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
She found it foreign!.
But it wasn’t much.
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Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We all went to grammer schools
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But, we were locked up after school.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
What did i know ?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
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It was going to be , some day.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
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Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Is the saying "nice guys finish last" true? Can good intentions always lead to positive outcomes?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I will be 64.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I said to her
I think the readers, may guess!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
I was 9 years of age.
I could never make a relationship work though!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
When she asked me how she looked .
She married twice! .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Comes on , in middle age.
Would this be the day?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
So, i spoilt her more .
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We were not on the streets..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
All the time i was locked up.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My family never makes their pension either.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I was seconnd youngest,
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I was very sick at this time too.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He resisted the act ,that day.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Im still living with it.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Why did i forgive my father ?
Put me off passion for life!!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I have no regrets .
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She was in good health!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
My life is so biszare .
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I write beautiful poetry .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He knew the spot.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Was to survive, this bastard.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
One cannot live in the past .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I don,t even have a pension.
This is soul school!.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And i lived it daily.
I was scared of men, in general
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She wouldn,t have been !
She loved him until the end.
I waited trembling.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Ive learnt so much.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.